Honor: 0 [ Give / Take ]
13 entries this month
Women ... You Gotta Just Love 'em ... they NEED it :P
22:50 Oct 28 2012
Times Read: 363
A blonde was visiting Washington, DC for the first time. She wanted to see the Capitol building. Unfortunately, she couldn't find it, so she asked a police officer for directions -"Excuse me, officer, how do I get to the Capitol building? "The officer replied, "Wait here at this bus stop for the number 54 bus. It'll take you right there. " She thanked the officer and he drives off. Three hours later the police officer returned to the same area and,sure enough, the blonde is still waiting at the same bus stop. The officer got out of his car and said, "Excuse me, but to get to the Capitol building, I said to wait here for the number 54 bus and that was three hours ago! Why are you still waiting? "The blonde replied, "Don't worry, officer, it won't be long now... The 45th bus just went by! "
Will I Ever Understand You Miss 34 ??
11:48 Oct 27 2012
Times Read: 397
A man on his Harley was riding along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, God said, "Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish."
The biker pulled over and said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want."
God replied, "Your request is materialistic; think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required reaching the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take! I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help mankind."
The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally, he said, "God, I wish that I, and all men, could understand women; I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, why she snaps and complains when I try to help, and how I can make a woman truly happy."
God replied: "You want two lanes or four on that bridge...?"
Ladies ... You Should Appreciate The Nutritional Value :P
11:07 Oct 26 2012
Times Read: 411
Penis breath, a lover’s dread.
Is what you get when you give head.
Unpleasant as it tends to be.
Be grateful that he doesn’t pee.
It’s times like this you wonder why.
You bother reaching for his fly.
But it’s too late, can’t be a tease.
Accept the facts, get on your knees.
You know you’ve got a job to do.
So open up and shove it through.
Lick the tip then take it all.
Don’t drag your teeth or he might bawl.
Slide up and down, use your tongue.
And feel the precum start to run.
So when the fuck’s he gonna cum.
Just when you can’t take anymore.
Your hear your lover’s mighty roar.
And when he hit’s that real high note.
You feel it oozing down your throat.
Salty, fishy, sticky, nasty stuff.
Okay already, that’s enough.
Let’s switch you say, before you gag.
And what’s your revenge, your on your rag.
Scary Little Girl ??
21:23 Oct 20 2012
Times Read: 442
A little girl was walking along a beach in California when she came across a man with no clothes on and just a newspaper covering his genitals. The little girl said, "What do you have under that newspaper, Mister? "The man said, "Nothing, it's just a bird, now go away! "The man thought nothing of her and quickly fell asleep. Hours later, the man woke up in a hospital bed in excruciating pain. "Where the hell am I? "A doctor replied, "Someone called 9-1-1 and said you needed emergency help, so we rushed you right over. "Well, what the hell happened to me? "We don't know, son. Do you remember anything unusual happening to you today? "The man said, "Well, there was a little girl bugging me just before I fell asleep. " The doctor sent someone to the beach to see if the little girl was still there, and she was. The person said, "Do you know what happened to that nice man you saw here earlier? "Well," the little girl said, "I started to play with that nice little bird that he had and the damn thing spit on me. So, I wrung its neck,broke its eggs, and set its nest on fire! "
Loving You Is Like Loving The Dead
07:59 Oct 20 2012
Times Read: 464
A guy goes to the pub, and says to his friend "You won't believe what happened. I was taking a short cut along the railway track, and I found a girl tied to it. I untied her, and then we had sex over and over again, all the positions, everything.
His friend replies, "That's great: did you get a blow job?"
Oh, no: I never found her head.
One For The Ladies !!
13:42 Oct 19 2012
Times Read: 488
Let it not be said I am sexist in my jokes !
Here's one for the Ladies :)
A guy and his girlfriend are out having drinks. While they're sitting there having a good time she starts talking about this really great new drink. The more she talks about it the more excited she gets and she starts trying to talk her boyfriend into having one. after a while he gives in and lets her order him one.
The bartender brings the drink and puts the following on the bar - a salt shaker, a shot of Baileys and a shot of lime juice. The boyfriend looks at the items quizzically and the woman explains.
"First you put a bit of the salt on your tongue, next you drink the shot of Baileys and hold it in your mouth and finally you drink the lime juice"
So the boyfriend, trying to go along and please her, goes for it. He puts the salt on his tongue - SALTY BUT OK. He drinks the shot of Baileys - SMOOTH, RICH AND COOL, VERY PLEASANT - He thinks, this is OK. Finally he picks up the lime Juice and drinks it.
- in 1 second THE SHARP LIME TASTE HITS HIM
- in 2 seconds THE BAILEYS CURDLES
- in 3 seconds THE SALTY CURDELED BITTER TASTES HITS
This triggers the GAG reflex but being manly, and not wanting to dissapoint his girlfriend, he swallows the now NASTY drink. When he finally chokes it down he turns to her and says "Jesus!!! What do you call that drink???"
She smiles at him widely and says "BLOW JOB REVENGE..."
I am NOT hungry !!
13:27 Oct 18 2012
Times Read: 530
This goes out to a very special person on VR .... hope you realise who you are. ;)
Shouldn't be too HARD for you , but I AM ;)
Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.
The Ultimate Comeback To A Woman ?
08:38 Oct 18 2012
Times Read: 546
The wife brought home a tub of ice-cream and asked if I wanted some.
"How hard is it?" I asked.
She cheekily replied, "As hard as your cock when you're thinking about me naked!".
I said "Go on then, pour me a glass....."
Common Sense :)
02:54 Oct 18 2012
Times Read: 566
A student comes to a young professor's office after hours. She glances down the hall, closes his door, and kneels pleadingly. "I would do anything to pass this exam," she says. She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, and gazes meaningfully into his eyes. "I mean," she whispers, "I would do anything..."He returns her gaze, "Anything?""Anything."His voice softens, "Anything?""Anything," she repeats again. His voice turns to a whisper. "Would you ...
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study?
Get Your Money For Nothing
07:41 Oct 16 2012
Times Read: 594
Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with those expensive, double-pane, energy-efficient kind.
Today, I got a call from the contractor who installed them. He complained that the work had been completed a year ago and I still hadn't paid for them.
Helloooo,............ just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am automatically stupid. So, I told him just what his fast-talking sales guy told me last year... that these windows would pay for themselves in a year. Hellooooo? It's been a year, so they're paid for, I told him. There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I finally hung up. He never called back. I bet he felt like an idiot.
It's Been One Of Those Days00:07 Oct 16 2012
Times Read: 613
Ever had one of those days on this site where everything seems fantastic only to find later in the day it changes DRAMA-tically ? They say pictures paint a thousand words ... infact this one only paints two !!
Did you know you had your own day ?12:57 Oct 13 2012
Times Read: 644
To all 'Goth Chicks' on VampireRave you really must see this ... dedicated to all you wonderful creatures worldwide ! Hopefully you will adore it ... or call me a sexist pig ... but ..
I love you all ! You are the most fangtastic creatures on this planet !
ENJOY YOUR DAY !!
You deserve it !
Revenge Of The Woman ?10:46 Oct 05 2012
Times Read: 671
Well ... it had to be said ... I just could not resist !!
COMMENTS
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Isis101
23:20 Oct 28 2012
Oh man...lol!